Click here to skip down to the results of Week 1176, funny lines in obituaries)
“When we think of Alaska, butterflies aren’t the first image that comes to mind . . .” (“Mark Trail,” June 12)
No, that would be lipstick on a moose.
This week’s contest was suggested by Royal Consort Mark Holt, the Empress’s main squeeze. Mark, a regular reader of The Post’s comics section, thought it would be fun to take lines from various comics out of context and lend them that Loserly touch. It’s a lot like our recurring contest Questionable Journalism, but with just the funnies. This week: Find a line of text from any comic strip or panel that appears on The Post’s comics pages or on washingtonpost.com/comics, dated anywhere between June 16 and June 27, and either (a) supply a question that the original line could answer, as in Chris Doyle’s line that replaces “Find the problem?” in the cartoon above; or (b) follow it with your own line of dialogue or reply, as in the Alaska example. Write your entries as text — you don’t have to put them in pictures — but include the name and date of each comic you’re using.
Local journalist Brady Holt (aka Son of Empress) models this week's second-prize noodly appendage. (Valerie Holt)NEW: No more emailing entries! Instead, submit them at this website: subpl.at/INVITE1180.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a fabulous fuzzy green and yellow beanie with soft noodly tentacles boinging out every which way. Donated by Loser Dave Prevar.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug, the older-model “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug or a vintage Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets,“Magnet Dum Laude” or “Falling Jest Short.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, June 27; results published July 17 (online July 14). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. “Bones Mots” in the subhead below is by Tom Witte; the honorable-mentions subhead was suggested by both Jesse Frankovich and Jeff Shirley. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook atbit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out atwapo.st/styleconv.
And the results of the Style Invitational contest from four weeks ago . . .BONES MOTS: DEAD-ON OBIT HUMOR FROM WEEK 1176
In Week 1176 we asked for a humorous line for someone’s obituary — and the person could be real or fictional, specific or generic, living or not. Our fingers are crossed tightly in hope that between press time and the moment you read this, someone below didn’t become “not.”
Visitation for Mr. Fosse will be held at 5-6-7-8! (Stephen Litterst, Newark, Del.)
Ms. McMurray, assistant to the Great Magico until her recent unfortunate accident, will be laid to rest on May 2 at 12:30 p.m. at Highland Park Cemetery, and on May 3 at 1:30 at Mountain View Memorial Park. (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, Va.)
2nd place and the pair of ceramic California Raisins:
Reminiscences about Mr. Jones will be offered in a special service by his colleagues in the American Auctioneers’ Society, today from 9 a.m. to 9:01 a.m. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
In keeping with his wishes, Kim Jong Un will not die. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)
Passed on: honorable mentions
Mr. Schwarzenegger will not be back. (Duncan Stevens)
The Taliban announced that the funeral of its new leader, who has yet to be named, has been tentatively scheduled for early August. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
For those planning to attend the funeral of the Kennedy Center executive, please note that you must have attended four other funerals this season. (George Smith, Frederick, Md.)
Mr. Tarantino was shot dozens of times, stabbed, impaled with a samurai sword, immolated, and left in a giant pool of fake blood, in accordance with his funeral wishes. (David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.)
After repeated attacks by Donald Trump, Civility finally succumbed to its wounds last night. It will reportedly be buried next to the late Humility and Accountability. (Leigh Giza, Bristow, Va.)
Correction: Our report yesterday that we had greatly exaggerated Mr. Twain’s death was in error. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)
Alas, Zayn Malik failed to notice that not all the traffic came from One Direction. (Victoria Fombelle, Decatur, Ill.)
We are saddened to report that Mr. Jrzbzzg, a retired announcer for Metrorail, grmmphled on Drccssday. Services will be held at Fllimmpjg Church on Swzthmnk Street. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Mrs. Jones, who suffered from recurrent episodes of amnesia, used personal experiences to inspire her work as a soap opera scriptwriter. She leaves behind four ex-husbands, her current husband/former stepson, two children who aged from infancy to adolescence overnight, and an evil twin. (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)
Today, Elisha Graves Otis ascended for the last time. No buttons were necessary. (Steve Honley, Washington)
The conjoined triplets led a long and cheerful life, but now they are six feet under. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Mr. Gridley will be buried beside his beloved wife. Lifelong crossword enthusiasts, the Gridleys will lie in eternal rest, two across and six down. (Hildy Zampella)
Gregor Samsa, a traveling salesman and recent reclusive, was killed in his home during a scheduled pest control treatment. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
Mrs. Yomama was laid to rest yesterday in a coffin they hadda get from Pods. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
Alice “Tinker” Bell died suddenly last week during the taping of a TV show when a stagehand neglected to flash the applause sign. (Chris Doyle)
Harriet was a lifelong NPR listener. In lieu of flowers, please call the local station and drone on for 15 minutes about how great she was. (Bill Lieberman, Ellicott City, Md.)
Mr. LaPierre was buried with the traditional 300-million-gun salute. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
California-bound settler George Donner perished in the Sierra Nevadas, reportedly from consumption. (Chris Doyle)
Ernest Hemingway died. (Tom Glynn, Los Altos, Calif., a First Offender)
Mr. Brin’s memorial service is expected to last .00482 seconds, but mourners will no doubt be impatient anyway. (Mike Gips)
Though he did not survive his attempt to go over Niagara Falls in a canoe a second time, Mr. House was fondly remembered as being “good till the last drop.” (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)
Ms. Lee financed her law school tuition by working as an exotic dancer. In lieu of flowers, donations may be slipped into the lacy elastic band around her casket. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
Because of renovations to the funeral home, mourners of Mr. Wiedefeld will be admitted only at 24-minute intervals. (Duncan Stevens)
Mr. Newton, an avid bungee-jumping enthusiast, died suddenly after a brief battle with the ground. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
To attend the wake for “Family Circus” creator Bil Keane, mourners are advised to run around the chapel, tramp through the garden, weave between the bushes, jump in the sandbox, play with the dog, run around the chapel again, knock on the door and ask for Billy. (Rob Cohen, Potomac)
Ms. Wilson, whose successful real estate career spanned three decades, was interred in a spacious 35-square-foot mahogany coffin, with a vaulted lid and high-end brass fittings. (Rob Huffman)
Noted litigator Dewey Cheatham was officially pronounced dead yesterday at 10 a.m. Funeral services are stayed pending an appeal of the coroner’s findings. (Frank Mann, Washington)
Luciano Pavarotti departed this life precisely when Your Mama started singing. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
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Big stories in the entertainment world as they break.Sign upSurvivors of former Virginia governor Robert McDonnell request that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to — never mind, just send flowers. (Frank Mann)
Jack Ullman, the “donut czar” of greater Cleveland, died early Thursday morning. His body is to be kremated. (Rob Huffman)
In lieu of flowers, the family requests that you refrain from mentioning his participation in The Style Invitational. (Gary Crockett)
And last: The Empress of The Style Invitational was remembered last weekend at a rousing memorial service. One mourner observed, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard a ‘Be Our Guest’ parody at a funeral before.” (Duncan Stevens)
Still running — deadline Monday night, June 20: our contest for A-B-C (or B-C-A, etc.) phrases. See bit.ly/invite1179.
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